Permission to Leave the Group Chat

I’ve left two group chats in the last year alone.

Two. ✌🏽

Like, full-on, “Nicole Flowers has left the chat.” No announcements, no fanfare.

And these were “good” friendships. Or… at least, that’s what I told myself.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m nearing my mid-40s, or because I went through a cancer diagnosis and treatment, but something has shifted for me.

I don’t have time for dead-end friendships anymore.

And yeah, that sounds harsh.

Especially as women. We’re taught to be "nice." To be included. To keep the peace. Calling a friendship “dead-end” feels… unkind.

But also?

How often do we actually let ourselves look at a friendship honestly and admit: this isn’t going anywhere.

Going through chemo made something very clear for me:

Time is my most precious commodity. And I’m not willing to waste it.

Because life isn’t theoretical.

It’s real. It’s heavy.

There’s pain. Loss. Job changes. Divorce. Illness. Big, life-altering moments that ask a lot of us.

And in those moments… you find out who’s actually there.

As Marilyn Monroe famously said, “If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

And I’ll be honest—some of the people I thought were my nearest and dearest weren’t there.

• They weren’t on my couch after chemo.

• There weren’t texts. Flowers. Cards.

• I didn’t even see them on my good days.

I mean, these are the moments we build up to over the years, right?! This is the purpose of the whole thing!

So I had to ask myself a harder question: How are my friendships actually showing up for me?

Because if I want deeper, more aligned, more present relationships… I have to be willing to make space for them.

👉🏽 I have to be willing to make space for them. 👈🏽

And sometimes that means letting go.

Or loosening your grip.

Or softly stepping back.

Forgoing the drama and blame and leading with a whole lot of self-love and honesty.

Some friendships stay.

Some evolve.

Some drift.

And when they do, it creates space—for new people, new connections, and new versions of closeness that actually match who you are today.

Losing friendships isn’t failure; it’s growth.

And it makes room, intentionally, for what comes next… 💞